For those unfamiliar with the Welsh, it is common for them to acquire a name based on what they do, what they like, or even what they say. I know for a fact all the names below are genuine (the lack of political correctness proves it!). I even knew some of the people myself. Indeed, a number of the names below have carried on through three generations, most notably the Ghosts, Delphs, and Mustards. My name is Jones, but the name Jones The Net is my own creation founded on my undying affection for Wales.
Tommy Sargent - the village liar, known as Billy Liar
Ned Slav - saliva constantly dribbling
Sally Sticks - sold firewood
Bob Water Rabbit - mistakenly called water rats water rabbits
Sam Pork Pie - took pork pies to work every day
Long Will - very tall & very thin
Long Kate - very tall & very thin
Dai Wench - effeminate tripe shop owner
Will Hard Hat - always wore a bowler
Billy Light Cakes - because he liked them
Stanley Beadle - he had eyes llke a beadle
Idris The Post - local postman
Freddie Current Cake - because he loved it
Johnny One Ball - obvious
Johnny Cuckoo - village simpleton
Dai Sewerage - where he worked
Den The Chippy - chip shop owner
Tommy Bont - he lived in the Bont
Crad The Garth - he lived in the Garth
Alf The Gas - the local gas lamp lighter
Sam The Busses - local bus driver
Jack Knocker Up - my dad’s Taid (grandfather) who went around knocking the miners up for work
Hughie Mustard - because he ate loads of the stuff
Jimmy Dark Japan - not known
John The Black - because he was
Happy Harry - because he was
Happy Suzie - because she was
Peter Swift - because he was so slow
Ma & Pa Johnson - local hillbillies
Little Snowy - rather a dirty little woman
Tic Tac To - Local gambling man
Annie Chips - not known
Big Blodwen - she was very big
Big Norman - he was Big Blodwen’s son
Jones The Palace - he owned the Palace Cinema
Dai Cloggs - the local cobbler
John Porky - not known
Norman The Bells - manager of the bells shop
Jackie Bugs - not very clean
Robert Puff - a queer chap
Lil Gab - talked a lot
Eric Ghost - not known
Will The Cut - canal supervisor, canal known as the cut
Bill Apple - took an apple to work every day and ate every bit including the pips and stalk
Bob 18 months - lost half of one of his ears, left with one ear and a half
Eric The Red - Communinst ideas
Red Alice - red hair, fiery temper
Ivor The Coal - coal delivery man
Eddie Grub - not known
Will Top Coat - not known
John Bacon - not known
Fred The Grosvenor - kept the Grosvenor pub
Connie The Davon - not known
Ted College - used big words
Thanks to my dad for all of the above names!
My Uncle Colin told me about a man called Johnny who moved to the village and thought all of these names were crazy. One day at work, someone said to him, “Don’t you go making fun, Johnny, or you’ll end up with your own name next!”
“No chance,” said Johnny, “I’m too fly for that!”
He was Johnny Too Fly forever after.
What would your name be?
